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...

I'm kinda enjoying this

...

I'm gonna

...

give it about one more minute, and it we'll get started

...

Good morning, Good afternoon, Good evening, depending on where you folks

...

are

...

My name is Peter, and welcome to

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my second Fireside chat

...

This is part of my

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solo project.

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and I just want to welcome everybody.

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to the studio, and I am

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going to talk

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for about. I don't know Know We'll say, maybe thirty minutes could go longer if we have some

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discussion.

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going to talk about some myths of

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single living. And if you look at the fortune cookie up there, you're going to see

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the topics that that I'll be addressing

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I really would like this to be a discussion if

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possible. And that means that if you wanna

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to jump up on stage here and and hang out and react

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to to some science back myth busting

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I would be very happy to make this a little bit of a of a

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either during the myth busting or after. So don't be shy.

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but I also know that it is

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Wednesday, and it's Wednesday morning,

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for much of the United States, which is really the only time of the week that anybody's

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really doing any work. So I appreciate you folks

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stopping in and figuring out

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Thank you. Figuring out what's

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let's actually

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going along with single living. And good what's going on with Fireside. I know this is all very

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very, very beta at this point.

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So just a a brief bio about my

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self I am a

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a professor an author

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I I like to say professional speaker. My background is in behavioral economics.

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And I have been a long time, I guess long time as

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accurate humor researcher.

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so I have I have been studying

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what makes things funny and its implications

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for living a good life.

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And in

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late twenty nineteen early twenty twenty

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I launched a new project called Solo, the

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single person's guide to a remarkable life.

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And this project is designed to

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celebrate and stigma single living

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and to be perfectly frank, I am

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obsessed with this project I'm having

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just a really wonderful time and probably a

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anything that I've done

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it has

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I've gotten the most kind of unsolicited positive feedback from

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from single people around the world who are looking for a different narrative.

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So so I'm gonna jump into this if there aren't

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questions. As I said, if you wanna come up to

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the stage and and participate react.

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converse

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communicate, discuss, I would be thrilled to see you up here.

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I really would. I'm not just saying that

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Okay.

...

So let's ...let's just jump into this and into be honest

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go on the record. These are ideas that I am

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really frankly talking about for the first time.

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And so some of them are more developed than others.

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but I do believe them all to be true. And as I

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said if you take a look at the fortune cookie,

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you can see what the topics are.

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And so let's just jump on in if. That's okay.

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Alright. So this notion that single people want

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to be coupled.

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And I think that first of all, there's a lot of evidence

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that that that is not a a holy true

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thoughts

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although, it feels that way when you listen to love songs.

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when you watch Rom Comes,

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And when you see the, you know, the kind of

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narrative dating all the way back to

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to, you know, Jane Austin.

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and I love Jane novels, but I like to make fun of for a little bit tour

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well, for the fact you never got married. Case,

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I

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I I think to to say that single people wanna be coupled

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is a much too shallow

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view and understanding not only of

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of partnerships in marriage, but also understanding

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the broad array of who is single and what their desires are.

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And so just a little bit of a background on this in the United States,

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there are a hundred and twenty eight million single adults

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that's nearly half of all adults are single. So

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So the idea that that nearly half of adults are living a life

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that they don't wanna be living. I find to be

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to be a difficult thing to to agree with.

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what typically is happening when you look at this,

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and that is that single people are

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are focus on coupling at particular stages of life.

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And

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And we'll get into that in a moment here.

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of those one hundred and twenty eight million single adults.

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a lot of them live alone.

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So twenty eight percent of households in the United States are so low.

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single occ. That is that is the highest

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in and, you know, certainly recent history, certainly since

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certainly in the in the twentieth century,

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and that number is goes as high as fifty percent.

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in Northern European countries. So

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stockholm home, for example, fifty percent of households are solo.

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And so what we're seeing is a rise of single living

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and it can't be attributed to the fact that people wanna be coupled

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are just having difficulty

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sickening that out.

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moreover, when you ask singles, what they want

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you get a diversity in what it is

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that they're looking for. So this is a few center

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research study I can from two thousand nineteen,

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It is almost exactly the same as one fifteen years earlier. So

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this is not a pandemic effect. And that is that

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half of single adults in the United States are not

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looking to date

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So this is not even ...they're looking to couple up they're not looking to get to date.

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So fifty percent are not looking for a committed release

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sith or even casual dating

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of the remaining fifty percent that are there a

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bounce

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about ten percent are looking for casual dating only

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fourteen percent are looking for a committed relationship only.

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and twenty six percent are looking for either

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I'm I'm gonna repeat that because that is

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a striking statistic in my

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in my opinion, in my judgment,

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that is that fifty percent of American adult single adults are not looking

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for committed relationship to casual dating.

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of those that are looking

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you get this interesting split with about ten percent

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looking for casual only

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fourteen percent looking for a committed relationship.

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then the remaining twenty six percent

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who are looking for either could break either way there.

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And the reason that

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that

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It's

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Stephanie

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Hi, Stephanie. Welcome to the stage.

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I there. I think I caught you mid sentence and you wanna finish your fun?

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Oh, yeah. No problem. I was excited to have someone else up on the stage.

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And part of it is to understand the

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the breadth of this group. This

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group contains eighteen year old college kids and eighty eight year old widows.

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and everything in between for people who have never been married in no kids.

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such as myself from the long time bachelor, to people who have been divorced

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divorce multiple times, and frankly have other things that they're in

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arrested in doing. So the most

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common reason why people aren't interested in dating is they just simply

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day

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they have more important priorities at the time.

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the second most, and that's about that's forty percent of singles.

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non theaters, say this. The next highest is they just like being single.

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that's there. And so one of the things that is striking is that you have

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for example, lots and lots of young single people who interested in doing other things

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at the time, and you have

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lots and lots of older singles usually women who have signed kind of

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perhaps may have put that part of their

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their life behind them. They've already had families. They've already been married, etcetera.

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Oh

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So that was the finishing my thought here, and I'm actually finishing up number one

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Myth that singles wanna be coupled. And, Stephanie, welcome to the stage, and

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Yeah. I welcome your

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Thank you, Peter for having me. I appreciate. I was just

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curious in the data that you had just presented. Do we know in the background of all of this? If

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frankly, women or men or one or the other have a propensity to either

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under report or over report.

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kind of their feelings about being single and and by the way, I'm not

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suggesting that being was bad. I that's not my point. I'm just interested to know

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in the world of data and research reporting. I'm always wondering if we're aware of any

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underlying attitudes or biases associated with responding to these questions.

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or if we feel like no this pretty good data, People are feeling pretty confident and straightforward about their

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dude.

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Yeah. I I appreciate you're asking that question because I think it's in an important one anytime the

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your reporting survey research. You have to

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be concerned about what we call social desi desire.

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And and some surveys build in sort of

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test to social, socially desirable

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responding to in order to weed out that i.

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error as you might imagine, especially if that

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if that error if if if there's a a bias there,

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I'm pretty confident in these data

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in part because

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it goes so

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far against what the typical narrative is.

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and where frankly, the pressure is, and that is that that

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usually, people are feeling pressure to not be single.

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to be partnered, and anybody who's ever been single and sat around,

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the dinner table at Thanksgiving or Christmas or for

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for some other holiday event

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knows the following experience.

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and Stephanie may have ...if I may ...are you solo? Are you single?

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Yes.

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Okay. So so you may have had this experience, and it goes something like this.

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stephanie how you know, how are things going these days? And you're like,

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other fabulous I just got a new job. I just joined Fireside

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I'm I'm I'm hosting these shows. I'm having the time of my life.

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I've actually just

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planned a a trip to Thailand, and you know, I'm decorating my

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Thank.

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apartment. I'm having a I just ...I'm loving life.

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Oh, that's nice. But is there anyone special in your life?

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Right. Absolutely. All the time.

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Right. And so

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all the time. Yes.

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Yeah.

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and I find that to be ...first of all, I to to diminish all the amazing things that you're doing,

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wheeler or imaginary in this case, Stephanie,

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I I

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I find to be problematic in part because it it does

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you know, directly you're indirectly, you know,

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say to people, this is the life that you ought be living.

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Right.

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And so in in in responses, when you have half a single thing,

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I'm not interested in dating. I'm not interested in a relationship.

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I'm too busy. I've got other things that I wanna do.

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there's a whole bunch of other reasons that people say this

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Some of it are, I haven't and had locke.

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Some people say they're not ready

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Some people say they're too old. Right? So some of the reasons that they do are

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are negative

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they're not doing it or negative and some are positive fascinating.

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the positive is far outweigh the negatives.

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So that that's my sense of this. And then this is also

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it's also last thing is it's reflected in actual data that is, like

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census data

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you know, the idea that you you're seeing this exponential rise

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No. I

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appreciate that Peter. That's really quite interesting as a

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they can't be really interesting approach this topic, so thanks for having me, and I'll enjoy listening to

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after your

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Super. Yeah. Please stay up here if you want, please chime in anyone else

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is in the in a studio if you wanna come up, we're gonna

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jump into number two. Some might be a little spacer than others.

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we'll see.

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So so number two, as you can see in the fortune cookie there,

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is that singles are lonely

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And

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And I think that the issue with this

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with this little bit of mythology is that there is some truth to it.

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that is that some single people are indeed lonely.

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But what I wanna do is counter that by saying that

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lots of other people who are not single also

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are are lonely because

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loneliness

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has less to do about an objective state of the world.

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whether you have other people in your life or not,

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has more to do with the subject subjective day of the world that is

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what are your expectations? What are your desires?

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with regard to your social life.

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there's sort of two forms of loneliness that people have. There can be social loneliness

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that is being part of

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a connected group of of community, friends, etcetera.

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or romantic loneliness, not having a partner or partners

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romantically, perhaps actually that you would want to have

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there. And so loneliness really has to do with

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with what you want versus what you end up having. So as a result,

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someone can be

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for example, imagine being a housewife for a house husband,

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moving to a new city because of your spouse has a new job,

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you have this romantic connection to this person.

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but you feel isolated. That is you don't have friends

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you're not involved in the community, and you can feel lonely even though you're in a partnership

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moreover, you could tell only in

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within a partnership because that person is not available to you, emotionally, not

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not there not there as much as you want. They work too much. They travel too much and

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and so on and so forth.

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one of the things that it and ...this is highlighting

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a future one

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about singles being selfish,

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is that the data on this is very clear and that is the

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single people are actually

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more connected.

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they have greater wider friend

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groups, and they also are more involved in their communities.

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And so

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to to say the singles are lonely a is a very

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narrow view of what loneliness and b is also

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det doesn't seem to be as true as we would like it to be

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if I may, I'll do a little quick lesson on the opposite of loneliness

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which I find to be really quite fascinating. And that is something a term called

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loneliness.

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So the letter a, and then the word loneliness.

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a loneliness is the opposite problem, and that is

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to

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while loneliness causes sadness and is

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truly a a profoundly negative experience.

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a loneliness is

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is a cause of stress and and people who are lonely

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don't have enough a alone time.

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if they don't have enough time to themselves. And this is something that

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that you can imagine people were suffering a lot from during the pandemic

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you're married. You have kids

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you're locked in basically your house, your apartment and without very little

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opportunity to get out and to have a little bit of solitude.

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and the research on solid is super clear.

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it is good for us. It's good to reflect. It's good to restore and it's

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good for a problem solving and creative pursuits.

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that there.

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Okay. I'm gonna keep this

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moving along. And as I said, please please raise

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your hand jump up on stage, if you would like to react or you have question,

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about our myth busting, and and that's what we're doing.

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We're just talking through five myths of single living

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and taking a science backed approach to

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clarifying those

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So number one, is the thing goes wanna be coupled up

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two singles are lonely. And here we are number three,

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singles are sad.

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And if only they got married if the only they partnered up,

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they would be able to enjoy the bliss

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of of marriage.

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And to be clear, the solo project is not anti marriage

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not anti partnership.

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It's really just

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my my personal belief is that this path to living a good life ten

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to be a little bit over prescribed.

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and it's certainly not for everyone and certainly not for everyone at every stage.

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of life. So I just wanna be clear. This is an inclusive

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approach and and also one that recognizes that marriage

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for many people is just simply one stage of a long life.

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And so

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So this is, I think, one of the more facets

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needing did of busting

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and I wanna take my time with this because it's not necessarily intuitive.

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intuitively appear appealing.

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And that is this.

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There is evidence there is data that

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suggests that Married people

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she's now say this there is data that show

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that married people are happier

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than single people.

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Now what's striking about these data

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is the the next step that people take

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with it, which is well, if you wanna be

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happier, than you should get married.

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And so what the data look like are as follows.

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So if you look at a population of people at any one particular point of

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time and you look at their marital status,

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what you find is that married people on average or life satisfaction,

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is slightly higher than that of single people.

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both of those people's

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happiness are higher than divorced people.

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And so as I said, the natural

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tendency is to say,

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if you're if you're single, you should get married and if you're married, you should avoid divorce.

...

Right? Because if you if you interpret these data costly,

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you're going to come to that conclusion. The problem

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with those data and and making that

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that.

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coming to that conclusion is that

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the those people are not what we call randomly assigned.

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So if if you're familiar with the

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scientific method, you're looking to run experiments in which you

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when you're very only one variable,

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So in this case, it would be marital status.

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The problem is you can't run that experiment. You can

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randomly assigned people to marriages and to divorce into staying fatal

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and so Bella Apollo who

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is a behavioral scientist and who's been doing research on

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single living for many, many years well before I even

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happened upon this topic.

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has done, I think some of the best research on this

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and what she has shown

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is that if you take a

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longitudinal approach, and it's much harder to get these data and what I just

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described, which is a cross sectional approach.

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what you find is fascinating, and that is when you look at the happiness,

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of people

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before they're married.

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regardless of whether they are now married or whether they're now divorced.

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you find the same

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pattern.

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And that is that

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that single people who eventually come become married,

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are happier than single people who never marry.

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and are much much happier than single people who get divorced.

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And so what you end up finding is

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what's is really a fascinating thing, which is

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that it's not the case that single excuse me that that

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that marriage makes you happier

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But if that being happy

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tends to lead to happier marriages.

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and that being less happy, ten

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to lead to less happy marriages and thus divorce.

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And so the this takes away this idea that marriage makes

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people happy rather

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we tend to have a tendency

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to be happy or not happy, whether that be sort of genetically or due to our

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situation in life

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and our happiness tends to have downstream effects on our relationships.

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And I think that that is like super interest

...

a because it it gets into a different prescription.

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of of how you are going to ...how you might wanna live your life in order to

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to live a happier life.

...

And

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and secondly,

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you know, it says a little a lot about

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kind of

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living a remarkable life more generally,

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there is an effect though that is very, very real when people

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and researchers economists and behavioral scientists call it a honeymoon effect.

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And that is that if you look at the time course of people,

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who are single and get married, you see an improvement in their happiness.

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starting about one year out from their wedding day,

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but it also then declines about another year out.

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after their wedding day.

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So there is a wedding effect in terms of being happier, but there is not a marriage

...

effect.

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for for being happier. And I know that this goes again against a lot of

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suggestions in the in the typical kind of storytelling

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narratives and so on that we see out in the world of movies Tv songs,

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it etcetera.

...

Okay. So that is number

...

three.

...

and and that

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that singles are sad and that marriage would just make them

...

happier.

...

number four.

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singles are selfish.

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So why are you so self

...

place why ...you know, why won't you grow up why were you a Peter pan?

...

This is something that I had heard at different stages of my life and in director indirect

...

pack of ways

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that single people just don't wanna do the hard work.

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associated with

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having a family

...

yes And that's why.

...

and so this is a very, I think,

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quick, little bit of myth busting, and I

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And some of this, I'm still collecting the data on

...

But but one of those things is that and we can all agree that

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having a family in particular raising children in particular

...

is difficult work. We know that government

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care about that. We know that countries that don't have a good replacement rate when it comes to

...

their fertility rate are concerned about this.

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you know the children are good for economic growth.

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etcetera, we also know that they can create a great deal of meaning

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in people's lives, a purposeful

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life, so to speak.

...

And again, so I'm not establishing any of those of those kinds

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choices. They are the dominant choice.

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most people get married in the United States. Most people have

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children, Although those rates are decreasing,

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especially the number of children

...

that are there. But when you look at contributions

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to to society into the world beyond

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just simply having children you see that

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that singles

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carry their way.

...

So for example, as I alluded to earlier,

...

singles are more involved in their communities.

...

they actually give more of their time

...

than married people, they give more money

...

to charitable causes, They are also more likely

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to be a caregiver of an adult of a parent parental

...

unit or or parent

...

then they're

...

married siblings. And in part is because

...

they're married siblings who are have had kids are often and, like, I don't have the bandwidth.

...

Can you take care of mom? Can you take care of dad?

...

And so we see this

...

a lot. This is a experience that I had, and I was happy to do that.

...

knowing that my sister, for example, had her hands

...

with two kids.

...

and a job and a house and a family and so on

...

And so

...

then lastly, I think that to

...

think about contributions to society being

...

being just within

...

Just being being within ...kids is is too narrow of you. That is the

...

go people give

...

when it comes to the arts, whether it comes to the sciences,

...

when it comes to starting small businesses,

...

and so on. For example,

...

one of the solutions to a lack of of a

...

proper fertility rate is to up your immigration rate for your country. This is something

...

for example, that the Japanese had this problem that have been reluctant to do

...

immigrants tend to be single. They also start businesses at twice the race.

...

of people in the country that that they arriving in

...

I'm more welcome to the stage.

...

hey.

...

a. How are you? Peter?

...

did you just say that single people start businesses at twice the rate

...

of others.

...

No. I know. I say this

...

an immigrant do.

...

So

...

Oh, immigrant.

...

in immigrants, but in the immigrants tend to be single.

...

they tend to be solo low.

...

when they make that move. So it's

...

That's interesting. It's because it

...

traditionally. I don't know

...

the

...

this is these are data. I would love to get a hold of.

...

which is

...

at

...

what is the percentage of of new businesses created by

...

people who are solo low versus not so low. My hunch

...

is that it's rather high

...

but I don't I don't know what that what that is, and I would welcome

...

Yeah. I

...

I think it's gotta be rather high too because, you know, I don't know about you, but

...

people

...

that have

...

like,

...

Mean, I had a family i was married and had four kids and op pair and

...

super locked going on and

...

was working full time for a a company and

...

number of different companies, but I think that

...

you know, people are like, how do did do all that or

...

like, just focus or and

...

I think that they don't realize I tell people, you know, when you don't have a spouse,

...

you don't have kids.

...

you have, like,

...

you know?

...

twice as much time or three or four, five times as much time.

...

to do other things.

...

So I bet it's a high stat.

...

I do two, and I think also, there also is this

...

is this is probably also founded with age.

...

Right? And so what I don't know is that what are the ages in which people are starting this

...

And so

...

I I do think there's a flip to that one.

...

laura, which is that

...

on one hand, so as we know, starting a business is a risky endeavor,

...

And if you have spousal support,

...

that could be a heads, for example, you know, I know couples in which

...

one person has the corporate steady corporate job or government job or academic job

...

and the other one

...

is an entrepreneur and and is engaged in a lot of sort of very highly risky

...

endeavor startups and

...

and so on. But oftentimes, what ends up happening

...

I've seen this with my own set of friends.

...

they all talked about starting their own businesses, perhaps starting their own business together.

...

you know, they got their jobs at Goldman Sachs or Ge

...

or wells Fargo,

...

and then now they have the golden and handcuffs.

...

you know, they've got a big mortgage. They've got car payments. They've got tuition payments

...

and it's just never a good time.

...

And so I I I do think that there is something about the sort of

...

Let's just say mobility and

...

an ability to live sort of minimally that that may lead to this

...

Shannon been kind enough to come come on up to the stage and and join us.

...

Yeah. Thanks for coming up soon did do you have a reaction to any of this?

...

Hi.

...

Peter, and thanks for inviting me up appreciate.

...

I'm a travel writer. So I'm curious know based on your

...

experience in your research sort of top line thinking about

...

trends of solo travel.

...

Oh, yes. Okay. So

...

So we were joking. We were joking in the

...

in the green room before about

...

clubs on club that are lang or thriving.

...

And I have several clubs over there. The one club that is thriving is the solo travel club.

...

And so I'm getting this sort of c

...

alright Since they listen to

...

on how

...

how much solo travel is growth is happening, especially with

...

women

...

I

...

I don't have the data on this, but I could say

...

that one of the things that is really ...we're seeing a rise not only of

...

solo low travel

...

but also,

...

And and, of course, there's a lot of technological reasons why this is happening, like,

...

it's just so much easier to travel

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nowadays because of our mobile phones, but also the rise of digital no match.

...

And an overwhelmingly digital no match

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our solo,

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you know, there's oh there's very few digital nomad who are families who have children.

...

it's just so difficult to do it. And then also, even still lots of people

...

who are

...

were

...

Yeah. I'm

...

you're not fine who are just single and generally not coupled.

...

because, again, the mobility of it.

...

planted know matt peter. I have four kids but I'm a digital moment.

...

Oh, yeah. So that's fascinating. You're the exception that that proves the rule and

...

I'm sure you have sort of best practices in order to be able to pull

...

Well, I know about that.

...

I don't have a spouse for five so two thousand and this

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So I don't have a fifth kid.

...

just kidding cut.

...

That's funny.

...

I have

...

I may ...by the way, I make that joke a lot. No,

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about. It some ...if you ...your partner is not growing,

...

and is not is not developing.

...

at so and you have children at some point, you just add that spouse to be

...

list of children. The difference being you can divorce that one child.

...

and And now you

...

Yeah.

...

and and my guy, when this

...

we just grew in different ways. But

...

Yeah. No. It's been an interesting. I ...I started in almost

...

twenty. I traveled all through Covid. I could probably do a silent movie with the pictures

...

and

...

in the different airports and

...

things that I saw

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During traveling During pelvic.

...

kind of as an essential worker meaning to travel. Because my business get decimated.

...

like many name or Kelvin went down to a scrunch halt.

...

probably cost me three to five million of sales in a

...

start up and, you know, the question is I mean, we could've have gone bankrupt, but we

...

chosen not too. But

...

Yes. Been an interesting journey it's

...

No. No. I think that

...

So Peter, if I

...

please.

...

sorry.

...

Yeah. Sorry. I just have to jump off that I wanted to add something

...

I actually believe that I belong to your

...

Club club. So

...

but I I haven't really been active on there for a number of months i've been very active actually on

...

Twitter spaces. But I am gonna check it out. I'm gonna go back

...

and see do what people are saying in your club

...

I'm actually quite interested in in in sort of

...

hearing more about

...

you know, how people are feeling about

...

as a travel writer, I'm I'm interested knowing this or more about how people are feeling

...

now about traveling alone, you know, doing the solo

...

So travel thing.

...

So thanks for that. I appreciate it.

...

Yeah. No problem. I mean, I think Laura is

...

story is one of the things that you end up happening

...

and I I've heard this. I have

...

I have a bunch of moderators over there, but one of the stories that hear is

...

the pandemic came along

...

I lost my job

...

I

...

sold all my stuff, packed all my stuff.

...

and decided to become a digital nomad.

...

and I I ...you know, the the one of the things about, again, you know,

...

I I'm I'm

...

in a world where I wanna celebrate the opportunities of single living. I wanna

...

being single. I wanted to be on par with

...

with partnered living

...

and and so you have that ability to be mobile. As you said, more if you had a

...

spouse who had a job

...

you know, you say, okay. Well, you know, I'll find something else to do.

...

as a result. And so I think you're just

...

seeing because of just the rise of

...

of solo households. You're just seeing people who can be more mobile.

...

moreover, I think that the

...

the travel space, and then also, I think just housing in general has gotten a lot more flexible.

...

things like Airbnb, long term airbnb,

...

hospitals.

...

you know, there are people who are sort of hacking the hotel system.

...

finding ways to live low cost

...

you know, summer to me winter and Bali and summer in Berlin and

...

and and really living this sort of global citizen style life,

...

Is it bo? I wanna make sure I get your name correct.

...

you

...

welcome to the stage.

...

Yes. Hi, Peter. My name is Buck, and thank you for

...

wrapping me in.

...

So

...

my pleasure, do you have a a reaction to what we've been talking about?

...

Yes. I was married.

...

with four kids, and I have been single for sixteen years.

...

So I would like to say something that during the time that

...

I was single

...

again,

...

I was the really sad and lonely because

...

what I did was I went back

...

to study. So I I took up my masters

...

and my doctorate, and I really love what

...

my my study years, I I love the particular

...

what you call these learning and hire education that I

...

been true, and I find it very feeling after which

...

I serve a mental health and social support provider

...

for disaster victims, and that was very feeling for me to be able to

...

help, you know, the victims and subscribe

...

during kilometers and disasters as well as the volunteers and those

...

helping. I am right now, a front in this pandemic giving trauma account

...

string and stress the briefing to fellow front are very stressed.

...

who quite anxious and more

...

burnt out. So I would say that during the

...

sixteen years so which I was single. I have become

...

I have learned to become a friend to myself.

...

I learned to be happy on my own, and if

...

very feeling if I am doing my purpose,

...

which is really my service to people. So that's

...

or that I wanted to share.

...

bought that warms my heart

...

to hear that. And and one of the things that I planned time and time again

...

with the solo podcast.

...

I do too ...I do two style of episodes. I do this, how to live a remarkable life.

...

kind of

...

what are best practices. The other one is I often talk

...

to remarkable singles such as yourself and how they're living

...

what might be kind of unconventional

...

And one of the themes that I find is that

...

these folks are often using

...

the time, the energy, the space,

...

the the optionality and what ...what a

...

an economist would call it in order to do do something that they find to be

...

either really good for themselves, you know, building a business getting in

...

shape

...

or order is good for a community, you know, voluntary

...

or, you know, so in your case, helping frontline remind workers and so i

...

so I think that's really thrilling here.

...

And I think it's just what we need really are exe, examples of people

...

who can show the diversity of options and

...

opportunities that people have

...

throughout their life. And that

...

that

...

the

...

just because you're not

...

marry at a certain stage of what it doesn't mean that you're not living

...

remarkably. So I'm thrilled to have you

...

Yeah.

...

Yes, Peter. Thank you. I just wanted to also add that when

...

I started to become single. I was studying myself

...

know, I want to be a better version of myself than the last one.

...

I have learned all the platforms ones from that relationship.

...

and I want to improve myself, and at the same time, you know, help people

...

And that's the reason why I took a family and marriage therapy

...

specifically because I want to understand myself

...

I want to be able to forgive the situation

...

and the more that you understand a person is easy to forgive

...

That's lovely.

...

Thank you.

...

Thank you so much. So I

...

Yeah. I I wanna bring this out room to a close, but there is one last myth

...

to be busted

...

And I have no I don't have a short way to

...

to save this, But it's I ...as I started the the show,

...

I I mentioned some statistics one hundred and twenty eight million single adults

...

the United States has nearly half of the of the adult population.

...

twenty eight percent of households are solo, that number is highest as

...

fifty percent in places in Northern Europe, such a stockholm home,

...

this rise has been with regard to solo living has been

...

financial in the last thirty years.

...

We're also seeing a rise in single living

...

in places that are much more collected, less individualistic

...

So you're seeing this in Japan. You're seeing this in Korea, for example,

...

where people are are devi from the conventions

...

of of having a family and

...

If you listen to some people,

...

they lame this. They they see this as a decline of

...

of civilized society, and they see marriages under attack.

...

And this is shaking the the sort of moral foundations

...

of

...

of of society.

...

I believe that that that ...actually, it's quite the opposite.

...

And that is that one of the things that we're seeing is that a along

...

many, many many dimensions, the world is improving

...

you know, it certainly doesn't feel that way, but you're seeing this with regard to things like

...

homicide rates.

...

child infant mortality rates,

...

you're seeing this with regard to to people being lifted out of poverty and

...

so on.

...

and one of the things that you find is that the more progressive a country

...

comes.

...

becomes the the better the social safety net

...

you're seeing more rise in single living

...

what if this is often

...

fueled by

...

is women who are deciding to opt out of marriage.

...

because they don't need to marry because they have better access

...

educational opportunities

...

they have better access to economic opportunities.

...

And so what you're finding is that when women have more freedom,

...

and when they have greater

...

opportunities with regard to a quality

...

you're seeing them deviate from the tradition of getting married and happy

...

children.

...

This is incredibly striking in Japan, for example,

...

where to be a woman

...

I'm a married woman, a mother

...

is

...

incredibly taxing.

...

And what you're finding is women who are deciding to

...

pursue

...

opportunities education and, again, economically,

...

the the the choice to then

...

layer on being a parent,

...

is ...and and because of some of the sex and inherent in that. So

...

Japanese men, for example, do the least amount of house work

...

among i think, industrial live nations. So I could double check that.

...

you're seeing you're seeing folks decide to go solo low.

...

instead. And so it's actually a symptom of some of the most

...

whatever the opposite of a declining society is a progressive society.

...

you're finding people opting into a path that better fits.

...

what it is that they wanna get out of life.

...

whether that be to pursue a Phd is Bought

...

was talking about to to start a business or or to decide to

...

become a digital matter laurel that's talking about.

...

and so on.

...

more you gonna say something?

...

Yeah. I'm was gonna say that, you know, I

...

went from undergrad Wall street

...

and then to university Chicago business schools,

...

so there was no question that I was gonna have a career

...

or that I was going to give up my career to have kids

...

and

...

you know, so any relationship I had or any man that I met

...

it was ...you know, That was just kinda obvious from the get go.

...

not to ...not to say that other people that go to

...

you know business school

...

don't don't decide to take off, take time off to help.

...

raise the kids or be a primary

...

primarily raised the kids and and their spouse, but I was the bread.

...

but it wasn't bad as much as it wasn't a financial reason. It was just

...

that's just

...

who I am and what I wanted,

...

and I never really even thought about it to be honest. And so we always might from get going

...

we did the ...like, from first child, I actually did leave

...

management consulting

...

I got pregnant when I was a management consultant.

...

And I did ...when we had,

...

I did quit

...

and transition because I didn't wanna be on the road Monday to Thursday.

...

wasn't conducive to

...

being able to be

...

around Belly. So I did make that

...

career move from

...

you know, from being on the road to

...

now, you know, you could probably do that digitally in some ...virtually in some respects.

...

But

...

then we had, you know, our pairs

...

for decade over a decade.

...

because had four kids stretched out over, you know, in eight years or something like that. So

...

But, yeah., the kids get a nice dose of different cultures.

...

and actually, one of my whole pairs is my sister in law.

...

my brother, my youngest brother fell in love with one of my our hope parents. So

...

that's a story for another day. So

...

nice to meet you on this platform Box.

...

by way.

...

Oh, she

...

may have stepped away here for a second. You know, lord, Thank for sharing that. I

...

you know, what what the stories of of just a few of you who accept

...

here on stage sort of reveals

...

that

...

the the kind of traditional story, the traditional path

...

that was so common, which is

...

as you move into adulthood hood,

...

you get married, You have a family that that lasts till death through part.

...

has become

...

much much more complex and nuanced

...

you know, people are delaying marriage.

...

you know, this is this is a common phenomenon worldwide.

...

fewer people are getting married. There's a

...

few center study that suggests that one in four of millennials will never marry.

...

and we're seeing a lot more of time not traditional kinds of relationships.

...

people living apart together

...

people who were co and not marrying

...

people who once say a then married decide

...

to go a second marriage into, you know, to do

...

to do other things with their life.

...

And what I wanna do essentially do is create a big ten

...

in which the sort of diversity of lifestyles

...

are are sort of welcomed encourage, and we get the highlight

...

you know, how

...

how to use the word remarkable, which I like a lot.

...

how kind of single living provides these kind of remarkable activities for folks

...

So this is my second Fireside show.

...

in which we've tackled some of the myths of single living. I really appreciate

...

Ba Laura and Shannon for jumping up here on stage.

...

I'm gonna bring this this show to a close right now. I'm going

...

to share the recording for folks who who have missed some of this

...

And just wanna thank everyone for barry with me as I figure out fireside.

...

Thanks, gang. Very nice to meet you.

...

Great.

...

Right

...

Alright.

...

I straight you two Peter, awesome topic, and look forward to talking.

...

It'll be fine.

Fortune Cookie